I love getting up before everyone else.
It’s so good for me.
Once the kids wake up, I feel like I lose myself, I lose my groove, I lose some kind of invisible momentum that is all mine. Mine for the keeping & enjoying & growing & expanding.
I love my kids. Don’t get me wrong.
But I have been parenting a long time.
I started at 17 and I took that job very seriously.
I nursed my baby. I cloth diapered my baby. I slept with my baby. All while I finished Grade 12 with an “A” average. I used to fall asleep on the couch at 6:30pm and then, go downstairs to my bedroom to bed. I was exhausted.
I hear something.
The youngest brood member is up.
And I don’t want to talk. Not yet. Please. No.
I didn’t even know about this morning silence love thing until the last probably 3-4 years. Maybe it’s only been 2 years actually. I suppose I didn’t know anything about silent mornings because I have been waking up on someone else’s schedule for the last 26 years. Ha ha ha.
That’s a long time.
This morning was awesome.
I was up around 5am and just allowed myself to rest for about 30 minutes. Then I did a complete Reiki treatment on myself because my shoulder has been feeling excruciatingly painful for the last 3-4 days. I won’t take any pain killers because I have this idea. I have this idea that if I take pain killers I am masking the pain and I won’t get to the source of it. Weird, I know. But that’s my usual strategy. So, my current coping technique is to significantly reduce my texting habit and allow my shoulder a rest.
After Reiki, I journaled, meditated and prayed. I love that part of my morning. I set intentions and really surrender into my Higher Power, looking for guidance. It makes all the difference in the world.
Then, I got up and let the cat out. I planned out my breakfast, checked my phone, followed along on the FB live meditation of my coach (which was really good), made tea & picked the rest of the chicken off the carcass. I set up a chair on the deck, so I could continue enjoying my solitude outside. So good.
I hadn’t spoken a word since I woke up. Nothing. No words.
I like the not speaking thing.
I also like not being on my phone or working on the computer right after I wake up.
It’s hard not to because I can be a bit of a workaholic sometimes. But I’ve noticed, on more than one occasion, that being on technology first thing in the morning affects me in a negative way. It seems to increase my feeling of stress and there is a kind of anxious energy that starts in my body. It’s best for me to have several hours of solitude in the morning before I do anything else.
I’m not sure how I did it when I was full time single parenting 4 kids ranging in age from infancy to 13. That was a difficult time. It was also full of fun and unexpected joys, but it was a time when I didn’t have much space for anything “Shyloe”. There was only “Mom” and that was it.
Today, I don’t feel that anxiety and I am so glad. I seem to forget this every so often and I jump onto the computer first thing in the morning to “get stuff done”. It never really works out that way. I just end up feeling more scattered and less productive and I have a hard time shaking it. I continue to learn that I need to take time in the morning to just be before I can tend to the business of being in the world.
It was 9:30 by the time I started writing this blog, which means I had roughly 3-4 hours of intentional quiet solitude. When my daughter came to me about 15 minutes ago, I wouldn’t even speak. She didn’t much like that. I have spoken to her now, but it was almost painful to make the first sound come out of my mouth. I did not like it and I probably would have gone until lunch time without talking had she not been here.
Summer has started which means my time to myself will diminish significantly. I plan on combatting this by getting up really early as often as possible. I think 5am will be my new wake up time. I like that idea. I am trying to work myself up to getting out of the house for a walk before everyone wakes up, too. Haven’t been successful yet, but I’ll get there.
There was a time in my life when I couldn’t stand to spend time with myself. I kept so busy that I never had any time to sit still. I didn’t much like being in my own skin. It felt awful a lot of the time. Remembering that makes me sad. But, it’s not like that anymore. I value time with me as I love myself deeply. I am happy to be who I am and where I am in my life. How about you?
Do you love being with yourself?
How much alone time do you need?
How do you recharge your batteries?
Are you an early riser? If so, what you do in your time alone before the world wakes up?
I’m so curious.
And now, I must tend to a 13 year old girl who would like to have a conversation with her mother. Ha ha ha.
I suppose I can do that now.
Take good loving care,
Well, it’s been a while people.
This seems to happen once in a while. I drop off the face of the blog earth.
Truth be told, I’ve been struggling with the whole blog idea. I’ve been struggling because my business coach suggested I use some specific language in order to generate leads.
I found this idea so incredibly difficult. There were specifically worded sentences I was supposed to incorporate into my blog in order to have it “convert” readers into potential clients.
And well, that stopped my sharing short.
I couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t wrap my head around it.
I couldn’t figure out how to do that and be genuine at the same time.
So, I’ve pretty much been stuck since then.
Ha ha ha
In my last blog, I said I made a decision to teach more and share less about my personal circumstances. I thought it would be more beneficial for my readers if I offered practical tools, tips and techniques. My idea was that I could describe the things I have learned along the way and how to apply it and then what I was sharing would have more value.
But that really didn’t work.
Because apparently, I just stopped writing.
It’s been 6 weeks.
And that sucks.
What I realize now is that my helpful content comes through my personal story telling. By sharing my own experience, I create connection with my readers. In this process, I trust each person will glean bits of information, ideas and tools form the stories themselves. Kind of like a spiritual treasure hunt where the ideas are part of the work, each reader can quietly decode the clues and absorb the healing hidden within.
Will that work, I wonder?
How can it not?
That is how I did most of my healing.
I listened to the experience, strength and hope of other people. I applied the tools they used in their life in my own. I took what I liked and I left the rest. Whatever resonated with me became part of my practice. If it did not resonate, it did not make it’s way into my world. It was in this way that I learned to trust myself
I see a theme here.
Haven’t I talked about this many times before?
This is a big one, folks.
We seem to give away our power all the time in this busy noisy world.
We give it away to other people, places and things, especially when we place their importance above our own innate worth. We are bombarded daily by images and stories of things we should do, should own, ways we should be, actions we should take, thoughts we should think and more. Slowly, if we are not careful, this process erodes our sense of self worth. The importance we could place on our own journey, on trusting ourself, is somehow handed over to an authority outside of ourselves.
Just plain no.
And maybe, just maybe, that’s what I am doing right here, right now, as I refuse to use specific wording in my blog to draw in my readers so that they want to work with me. I don’t know. That’s just not me.
I want to be me, people.
I want to be 100% entirely me.
And if that doesn’t bring me clients…
If that doesn’t stir someone else…
If that doesn’t start to the momentum of my business…
Then, so be it.
I do not know how to be any other way.
All I know is to be real, to be genuine, to be honest.
And as such, I won’t be making blog posts with the intention to “convert” anything.
I am going to continue to share from my heart.
I am going to continue to share my journey, in the hopes that I help someone else. And if that someone would like to work one on one with me, then YAY!! I love that idea!! That would be fun. I love working with people who are suffering inside. Quietly suffering. Like I was. You all know who you are.
But it can be different.
It really and truly can.
I know it.
Because that was me, too.
And now, it’s not.
That’s it. That’s all. For now, anyway 😉
Stay tuned. I got lots of things on the go.
I’ve been reading folks.
I’ve been reading some exciting scientific articles.
I’ve been listening to books on Audible.
I have been doing research.
Me! I’ve been doing research!
This is what I mean by taking my blog in a different direction.
Remember? I mentioned it last week.
I am going to write less about my own personal journey over the coming weeks (Aweeee… I know some of you may miss the juicy stuff. I’ll try to make it juicy once in a while, I promise). Instead, I’m going to write about my passion in healing, from the inside out. Let’s do this thing!
If you learn and use the techniques I am going to share with you, you’ll improve your health and wellness on all levels.
You will feel happier and more alive.
You will be more productive and less stressed.
I hope so.
Here’s the thing.
I LOVE learning about the mind body connection.
I love it a lot. The part I love most about learning is the potential to improve my own life and the lives of others. I love sharing my newfound knowledge with others (could be what made me a great teacher). The other thing I love about learning is using it as a tool to reinforce or validate things I already know intuitively. Yup. I like proof.
There is a constant battle inside of me between my Intellect and my Intuition.
The Intellect is a funny thing. It’s amazing in design but it can also be a pain in the butt. And mine is “over developed” as one of my mentors used to say. I always took offence to that. Ha ha ha. How could it be “over developed”? I mean, come on! I worship my Intellect. It’s fast. It’s powerful. It’s highly… well… highly developed! Ha ha ha.
Besides, in a world that seems to value intelligence and achievement above all else, my Intellect has been my best ally. It got me through University, sometimes writing essays in the middle of the night, without coffee, and handing them in the next day, all while nursing and cloth diapering my boy, making sure I ate and still, I got an “A”. It helped me raise four kids on my own, finding ways to make money that allowed me to work from home. It conspired to help me purchase not one, but two homes as a self employed single mother. It’s a show stopper. That’s my Intellect. It’s on overdrive all the time. I can count on it to do what needs to be done in half the time it takes most people. But…
It can be tiring. It can be exhausting. My Intellect is very demanding. It jabbers on ceaselessly about new ideas, unfortunate potentialities and inaccurate assumptions. Sometimes I wish it would just shut up. And over the last few years, I’ve learned how do just that. And you can, too!
What I’ve been studying, probably since shortly before my depression subsided, is the connection between the mind, the heart and the body. Actually, if I was going to be entirely honest, I have been studying this connection most of my life. I read Louis Hay’s book You Can Heal Your Life for the first time when I was 17. Seventeen years old, people!! I was certainly a keener.
From a very young age, I had an awareness of how messed up my family life was with the dysfunctional parenting, addiction, disconnection and all of that. I vowed to myself I would not repeat this cycle in the life of my own child, so I started reading. Louise Hay’s book made the biggest impact in my life at that time. That book blew my mind.
It blew my mind, people.
Do you know why?
Louise Hay cured herself of cancer without traditional medical interventions.
And I’ve learned over the years, she is not the only one.
Hear me and hear me well.
I am not, under any circumstances, dissing the medical system. Are you kidding me? NO WAY! It has saved many lives, mine included. It is an amazing tool for healing. Absolutely and without a doubt. Just want to make that clear, right off the bat.
What I’ve learned over my lifetime so far, which I suppose hasn’t really been that long, but has felt like several lifetimes, is that our healing journey is significantly impacted by our thoughts, beliefs and desire to heal. Our intuitive and empowered mind, along with our compassionate and feeling heart, plays an important role in the healing journey.
Shall I say that again?
Our intuitive and empowered mind, along with our compassionate and feeling heart, plays an important role in the healing journey.
Yes. Yes. I know some of you believe this already. Some of you know that there is a mind body connection. It’s obvious. But for me, the one with the overdeveloped Intellect, as much as I know this, it’s super duper helpful when there is scientific research to prove it!
There are now new and significant scientific discoveries that demonstrate a relationship between our thoughts (and feelings) and the condition of the body. The research correlating stress and illness is at an all time high. Clinical professor of medicine at the University of Calgary, Noel B. Hershfield writes: “The new discipline of psychoneuroimmunology has now matured to the point where there is compeling evidence, advanced by scientists from many fields, that an intimate relationship exists between the brain and the immune system…” (When The Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress, Gabor Mate, M.D.)
Fancy that, peeps!
It’s now being proven scientifically.
Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
This is kind of a big deal.
This means that we have much more power than we previously realized when it comes to healing.
This means that if you are having some challenges with your health, mental or physical, you can do something about it.
You can do something about it.
The more I read, the more it makes sense. The power of the mind over the body to create and to cure illness is becoming irrefutable. Science journalist Jo Marchant in her book The Cure details the latest scientific discoveries in this area and recounts stories of people who are being helped by cures using both the body and the mind. Cool, huh? Jo Marchant was curious about the clashing philosophies between advocates of alternative medicine and conventional scientists and doctors, so she set out on a mission to explore both sides of this heated debate. Jo questioned, “What drives so many people to believe in the pseudoscientific claims of alternative therapists, and why are skeptics so resistant to any suggestion that the mind might influence health?”
This query took her around the world. She interviewed scientists and doctors who are investigating the connection between the body and mind when in comes to healing. There is a lot of really interesting and compelling information in her book. You can read more about her discoveries here.
Okay. I’m getting off track.
I’m not here to convince you of anything.
I’m here to provide you with some worthwhile techniques to help you in your quest for a life of good health and lasting happiness.
I’m here to offer you some hope, especially if you are struggling with your health in any way.
Here’s how this information applies directly to you:
1. There is now proof that the mind (and the heart, but that’s a whole other blog post) can influence the body in many ways, and now it’s becoming apparent that the mind can radically affect a person’s health and wellbeing.
2. One of the best things you can do to assure your own lasting health and wellness is to begin working with your mind.
3. Your mind is one of the most important keys to your true peace and happiness… and your longevity, for that matter. And let’s get serious, the mind is the key to getting everything you want, for real.
Okay, Shyloe. That all sounds good. But what now?
What now? I’ll tell you what now. I’ll tell you.
Make friends with your mind.
Make your mind your friend.
Ba ha ha ha!
Sounds simple, doesn’t it.
But do not despair!
Start here. Start now.
Get to know your mind.
Make friends with it.
Don’t allow it to bully you.
Begin to form an alliance with your mind.
You and your mind.
Best Friends Forever!
Are you ready to take your healing to another level, people?
Are you ready to feel better?
Are you ready to let go of whatever it is that’s holding you back?
Sure you are.
You can do it.
You will do it.
Let’s do it together.
More on this next week.
It’s been a little while again.
Been trying to get myself to write this post for some time.
I’m not going to go over all the details of the last month, but it’s been a mixed bag. I have good days and I have days when someone asks me how I am doing and I cry. I cry in the coffee shop. I cry in the car. I cry in front of strangers. They’ve all been extremely considerate and understanding. Which has been helpful. And I realize once again what a very fortunate woman I am. I have felt so supported in this process. I was supported by a great many girlfriends and by the wonderful men in my life.
I felt nurtured and comforted regularly.
What a blessing.
This support allowed me to grieve in the way that I needed. Unfortunately, during this process, I developed a sinus cold and then a chest cold. No surprise there because guess what!?!?! The lungs are associated with grief. In Chinese medicine, the emotion of sadness affects the lungs more than any other organ. Fancy that, peeps!
Ha ha ha. Sob. Ha ha ha.
But that is enough of that now.
Onwards and upwards, as they say!
I wanted to share with you what I did for myself over the past month that helped speed my recovery from the shock and devastation of this painful experience. As far as I am concerned, the following steps could help you in any challenging situation where you feel lost, confused, hopeless, helpless and bereft.
Today, I am feeling well. I am stronger.
Much stronger. I am happier and I still feel relieved. Something about what happened set me free. It liberated me. Obviously, this means that it was exactly what needed to happen at the time. I’m not sure I understand it all yet and I may never understand it all, but I am grateful for what I’ve learned and the ways it boosted my ability to trust myself. Trusting my instincts, my intuition and that small soft voice within is now my biggest priority. I realize, more than ever, it will never steer me wrong.
So, here goes, ladies and gents!!
Shyloe’s Best Tips Ever for Surviving a Significant Loss:
1. Stop. Breathe. Feel.
Get out of your head. Stop everything you are doing and get real. Feel. Feel what is happening in your body. Do your best to breathe. Breathe through the shaking. Breathe through the anguish. Breathe through the knife in your chest.
Then, take a break. Look at the sky. Run warm water over your hands. Clean something. And then, begin again. Stop. Breathe. Feel.
2. Reach Out.
This is my biggest suggestion when it comes to processing grief and loss. This is the most crucial component to working through a big shock like the one I experienced. Reach out, ladies and gents. Reach out. Do it. What I did was call my best friend right away. I called her before I even left. I needed to talk to someone right away. I needed connection. I needed help. I needed hope. I needed to feel I was going to be okay. And if, for some unknown reason, you cannot reach out to someone you know, reach out to the heavens. Reach out and up to a Power Greater than Yourself. Reach out to Nature. Reach out to Mother Earth, but please reach out.
Seek consolation from your family and friends. Allow yourself the gift of being seen and held and helped through this crisis. And there are always crisis lines you can call as well. Do yourself a favour. Let go of the pride. Reach out.
3. Cry. A lot.
There was a long period of time in my life where I did not cry. That was really unfortunate. By the time I started crying again, I had a back up of tears that needed expression. Sometimes they would burst forth unannounced, at inconvenient moments. Sometimes I could feel them coming and it took everything not to interrupt their arrival. Crying was good and it was right. When grief comes knocking at your door, you need to cry. A lot. Cry and cry and cry. It is cleansing, restoring and healing, all at once.
4. Treat Yourself with the Utmost Tenderness.
This is a big one. In our society, treating ourselves with compassion and tenderness seems to be touted as a cop out. We need to be hard. We need to be tough. We need to keep going. Uhhhh, nope. That is not a thing. Especially and most certainly, not in the midst of grief. No way. During this time, we need to be kind and gentle with ourselves. Kindness and gentleness must prevail.
And please, do not be afraid. It will get better. You will not spend the rest of your days laying on the couch with the contents of the Kleenex box spread all over the floor around you. It will get better. It just takes time.
5. Write & Pray.
Writing out my feelings was another technique I used to move this experience through me. It really helped to express myself in this way. I journal every day and I feel it is one of the best healing tools available to us free of charge. Writing about my pain liberated me in some way. And prayer. I can’t say enough about prayer. Whether you believe or not, prayer is one of the things that can bring you peace. Do it. Just because I said so
And that’s it, ladies and gents!
Time for a different kind of blog.
Time for some practical information about how to get from here to there.
Time to take this whole show up a notch!
What do you think?
I’ll be back soon.
It’s been 3 weeks and 3 days since The Big Surprise.
Or perhaps, since The Big Devastation. Ha ha ha. Sob. I guess that’s not really that funny, is it? Or maybe it is. If I don’t find some humour in this whole thing then it would be much harder to manage. That’s for sure.
I have been putting this off.
I haven’t written in a while mostly because I didn’t want to go on and on about this experience. There is only so much processing a person can do in front of the world and besides, I imagine it gets pretty old after a while.
It’s quite a common experience it seems.
I had women approach me privately to share something similar. They were devastated by the degree of deception they had endured at the hands of their love interest. It seems that deception is one of the things we’ve all been subjected to in our quest for true love. And, it also seems that each one of these women had some kind of gut feeling about this deception. They knew on some level that it was going on, but could not prove it. They dismissed it as an impossibility or as evidence of their lack of trust in men. Interesting. I find that fascinating, actually.
What of that?
How is it we are so willing to dismiss our gut feelings?
How is it we are not taught to trust ourselves above all else?
This is very important.
This is a matter of life and death, it seems to me.
Intuition. Instinct. Gut feelings.
How many of us, men & women alike, could have saved ourselves from a nasty relationship, a terrible work situation, a fatal illness, even death, if we just listened to that inner voice?
Something to think about, people.
Something to think about.
I wasn’t planning on writing about instinct and intuition in this blog post. I was going to write about the choices I made and the things I did to get myself to a place of wellness in a such a short period of time after such a huge loss.
But here we are.
And maybe this is the biggest lesson of the day.
The biggest lesson of the day, for me and for you.
You all know I mentioned this in earlier blog posts. My fears and my suspicions about Motorcycle man. I described how I was worried he was a “Liar Liar Pants on Fire” from the beginning. I never suspected he was a “Cheater, Cheater Pumpkin Eater”, too. Nothing against those that eat pumpkin. I eat pumpkin. I like it. A lot. It’s a good vegetable with a ton of vitamins. Or is it a fruit? Did I hear somewhere that all squash are actually fruit?
Okay, now I’m getting off track.
Bottom line. My fears and suspicions started shortly after we met. The amount of time he told me he was apart from his wife differed from one discussion to the next by 6 months. This may seem negligible to most, and maybe if he was a different man it wouldn’t have evoked such a strong reaction in me. However, I guess because this was the first teeny tiny clue of his ability to bend reality to his whim, my belly reacted.
I also had a very clear dream after our first weekend together. I’m not sure if it was a dream or a premonition or the ability to see under the surface. But what I saw, I did not like. It was dark and full of lies. So, I questioned Motorcycle man about something he told me regarding a drum he had built himself. Something seemed off. And then, I apologized. I apologized because he had never given me any reason not to trust him.
Except for the full on uncomfortable gut feeling I had in my belly.
Very very interesting.
And in the end, my belly was right.
So, my question to you is this:
How do you trust your innate wisdom, your inner guidance, your instinct above all else?
And I am asking myself that same question.
I am asking myself that same question.
There is one thing I have learned in all of this.
The body never lies.
The body never lies.
The mind is full of lies.
It will take you for a ride any chance it can get.
But the body does what the body does.
And I felt a visceral reaction to Motorcycle man.
And instead of following the guidance of my belly, I chose to trust.
And maybe that was EXACTLY what I needed to do in that moment.
And maybe that was EXACTLY what I needed to do to learn this lesson.
To fully integrate this truth.
The body never lies.
I will now default to that truth in all circumstances, even when it doesn’t make sense.
Even when my eyes and ears tell me a different story.
Even when my mind is doing what my mind does.
I will trust in myself. In my belly. In my innate wisdom.
I will trust.
I will trust.
I will trust in me.
Progress not perfection, right folks?
That’s what this journey is all about.
Much love to you all,